


If This Was A Dream

by Carlosaphina



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Kinda, M/M, Retrospect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26028232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carlosaphina/pseuds/Carlosaphina
Summary: Julian comes back to Garak.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Julian Bashir/Ezri Dax (mentioned)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	If This Was A Dream

The first time I saw the doctor, I thought about how hard it would be to manipulate him, so I decided to talk to him. He was the typical Starfleet ensign. Made me wonder how soft the Starfleet graduation requirements had become.

The first time I talked to him, I felt something that I hadn’t felt before. It was a relatability I hadn’t felt with anyone else. Seeing him want to be accepted by people who didn’t care about him made me feel… odd. This... feeling is probably going to fade.

The first time I thought of Bashir as a friend, was when he didn’t judge me for the addiction. I was disgusting, and I was odo’ital. I was absolutely nothing. He was… kind for some reason. I am still unsure of his motive.

The first time I hugged Bashir, I was slightly tipsy. I felt vulnerable as I did the action, and Bashir stiffened. He doesn’t trust me. Perhaps, he still has hope for redemption. Maybe he’ll throw away his Starfleet delusions. His cynical attitude is yet to surface.

The first time I couldn’t stop thinking about him was when he revealed his genetic modifications. I started thinking about all the other things he could’ve hidden from me. I felt cheated out of the one thing I had: the ability to see through someone.

The last time I saw Julian ‘going steady’ with someone, was when he was with Ezri. There was a physical pain from seeing him with Dax. I feel like I’ve lost someone today.

The last time I couldn’t stop thinking about Julian was when I left for Cardassia. There was so much to rebuild, so much to do, that I simply didn’t have the time to think of him. I didn’t think he’d be in my life again, and that was that.

The last time I hugged Julian for too long, was when he returned to me. I didn’t know he was coming. “Why isn’t Ezri with you?” I asked the painful question that needed to be spoken. “Because we both realized that we weren’t happy the way we were.” I thought he was just running away from a ‘lover’s quarrel.’

The last time I thought of Julian as a friend was when he asked me if I would have him. “As what?” I questioned, not fully understanding the way the translator phrased the question. I was solely thinking about lunch at the time. “As your boyfriend, significant other, anything.” He was stumbling over his words. I was dumbfounded, wondering how a conversation about taking Julian ended up as a question so personal. I just nodded.

The last time I just talked to him was when we had formalized our relationship. From there one we were one. An entity, one heart, one ‘soul,’ one being.

The last time I saw the doctor was when I married him. From then on, I didn’t see the doctor, I didn’t see Julian, I saw  _ forever _ .

The last time we loved each other feels like it will never come, but nothing that comes stays, and everything that starts ends. I will not hug him for too long, for no time is too long to hug one’s  _ soulmate _ . I will never think of him as a friend, or a lover, or a husband, because he is much more than that. He is like  _ legna _ to me, and I am  _ legna _ to him, though it feels surreal some days. Perhaps it’s all just a dream. But if given the chance to escape to reality, would I? No, I’ve gotten too attached to him, this,  **us** .


End file.
